that all people are stupid, selfish, sex-obsessed beings. Well, most all people. It's sad to realize that someone who thought was different wasn't really different at all. If that's what you want to do, then fine, do it. Don't make such a fucking huge deal about it though.
I was brushing my teeth last night and realized that I wasn't in love. This feeling was affirmed by the time I was flossing. I feel so great right now, I think I've cut the ropes that were tethering me. But does it really go away that quickly? That easily?
I am so happy and so sad right now. I'm trying to figure this out. More later.
EDIT: So, I heard from some radio show from some scientists that the feeling of "love" changes chemically in the brain after a good 18 months and at first I didn't really believe them but now, about a year and a half from July 21, 2007, I feel a lot better. I will put some more up later.
I am going to love you more. I would be training for the Hotter 'N Hell bike criterium but I'm having surgery in late July so that kinda messes with my plans. I am trying a little harder in school but only a little bit. I tried to write a song last night and then I figured that all of my chord progressions were from songs that I already know. All things that I want to say have already been said so I just need to find a new way to say it. I am a little tired. I am trying to write now some more and read some more and I'm doing okay with that. I forgot how to knit. I need to finish my gryffindor scarf. I like Jazz a lot. Big band. 40's mainly. I really like all music. Hm. Something I wrote:
Phillip wanted, for the longest time, more than anything, the embrace of Beth’s small, thin arms. All that Beth wanted, for the longest time, more than anything, was just another body to hold her. She was a whore, but it wasn’t her fault. Well, mostly. She was just afraid to be alone. When she was with other guys they would always give her attention, feed her ego, and make her feel like the smartest girl in the world, the prettiest girl in the world, the best girl in the world. Sadly, she was none of those things but she appeared to be exactly all of those things. Well, she appeared that way if you were in love with her – and who wasn’t?
A pathological liar, a cheater, a manipulative bitch. These were the things that lay quietly underneath Beth’s soft exterior. Small, insignificant things that Beth didn’t want to look at or realize, so she quietly dusts these things under herself, a beautiful oriental rug.
Ha! One or two of you may know who Beth is modeled after. Anyway. I have some work to do. I'll try to update this more often but no promises.
It was during that minute in nineteen hundred and eighteen, that millions upon millions of human beings stopped butchering one another. I have talked to old men who were on the battlefields during that minute. They have told me in one way or another that the sudden silence was the Voice of God. So we still have among us some men who can remember when God spoke clearly to mankind.
Armistice Day has become Veterans' Day. Armistice Day was sacred. Veteran's Day is not.
So I will throw Veterans' Day over my shoulder. Armistice Day I will keep. I don't want to throw away any sacred things.
